It's been a time of major shifts and changes - my beautiful dog and companion Isis, passed away six weeks ago, and the adjustment from adopted mother to lone wolf has been something of both a spiritual cataclysm and a rebirthing.
14 years of having someone so entirely dependent on me for every need was not something that I was conscious of until it was no longer there - and I wouldn't change a thing. We were a perfect match, and I had an entire lifetime with her. It was worth every day.
In the past six weeks, I've spent an enormous amount of time on my own, just being here, working on art, writing, music - it's kind of astonishing how much work I have created in such a short span of time, but the art inside of me had to go somewhere, and the intensity of my grief was such that I was on overload every day. And somewhere in all of that, was the need to continue.
So, on the welcome advice of a friend, I have abandoned a number of the projects that I was working on, and pulled back to focus on the ones that have the most importance to me. Ventures such as the collectible merchandise have taken far too much time and labour for effective results - the market is saturated with street artists and digital artists - and an expectation that there will be discounts and sales and retail-style marketing. Not my scene, I don't want to become a retail artist, and there is no benefit in work that is so unrewarding.
I have created the zeddess hourglass collection for the steadfast art lovers and supporters of my work, and there will be another design to come in the following weeks - which I will talk about some other time. And that's as street as it's going to get. I have too many other things that I want to do.
Consequentially, I am now free to pursue the completion of past series of works, get on with a number of projects that I benched for the sake of commercial enterprise, and the relief is something of a powerhouse motivator. I have found new feeling and energy for the work, knowing that it won't be committed to some mass marketing strategy, and will instead find a home with a soul that appreciates where the art comes from, and what its true purpose is.
The thing that strikes me most about having lived through this experience, is that, in losing my best friend, my soul mate, my adopted daughter, I have been refined, renewed. All that was unnecessary has been burned away through my grief, and it has been in the solitary confinement of my own imagination and memory that I have rediscovered my committment to the work. Because for 14 years, she was the core and central fact of my existence. Because a little black dog changed my life, when I saved hers.